And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
