apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
