When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Need sex. Gaining weight.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
