Non-Jews are for practice
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
