i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
