After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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