How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
