PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
