literally had 100 drinks last night.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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