she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
