He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
