Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
