You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
