True but thats because hes a fetus.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
