I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
