I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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