Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
