I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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