what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
did you just send me my own nude
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
