I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
