My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I looked at my own cervix.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
