It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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