It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
