Swine flu. Run for my life!
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
