K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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