omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
