Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
