If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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