apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
