I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
