I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
