you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
