It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
