No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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