my vag is so smooth its legendary
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
