i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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