Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
