Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
