woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
