Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
