you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
