this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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