I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
