well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
