Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
