I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
