he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
