Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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