I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
