Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
