She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
