Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
